My Watch is Ended

Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night’s Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.

―The Night’s Watch oath

image credit: Pixabay

Once upon a time, I had a mission and a purpose.

Initially, that mission was to support people in discovering and cultivating a personal relationship with Jesus. I discovered this calling and then sought to fulfill it within the embrace of the Catholic Church.

The longer I worked in and for the Church, the more I came to realize the sins of the Institution and made it my task, like Sts. Francis and Clare, to reform the Catholic Church – turning it away from fear, power and control and toward the love of Jesus that inspired its inception.

When this proved to be an unwelcome and impossible task, I turned my gaze outside the Institution and sought to support people in becoming spiritually fulfilled – giving them the tools to discover the answer to the following questions and then empowering them to live out their answers:

  • Who am I?
  • Whose am I?
  • What are my gifts and how am I called to use them for the sake of my own fulfillment and then for the sake of the betterment of the world?

The more I offered this support outside the Church, the more I discovered that these are not religious questions, but universal in nature. These are the questions that are answered in our common journey toward self-actualization. In conjunction with this belief, I believed that if we would all just find our self-actualization that we would have peace and harmony in our lives. With this, my mission became nothing short of saving the world!  No small goals for Lauri Ann Lumby!

The problem, however, is that the world does not want to be saved.

The sad truth is that the majority of humanity is content to live in status quo, desperately clinging to their judgment, fears, perceived separation, need to be right and the need to make someone else wrong. Even as I write this I am aware of my own culpability in this regard, creating my own version of “us and them.”  SIGH!

These are the mountains I used to be willing to die on. These are the battles I fought; the causes I have given my life to; and for which I have risked and lost much.  Like a member of “The Night’s Watch,” I have devoted my life to these causes and offered up similar vows. Toward what end?  Like Jon Snow who was betrayed and then murdered by his own brothers, I find I have no fight left in me.  And like Jon, I turn the cloak I have donned as a champion of Love over to another hand while uttering Jon’s immortal words,

“My Watch is Ended.”

If humanity wants to continue to choose separation, fear, judgment, separation, hatred, violence, war, sickness, poverty, death and despair, who am I to change their mind?  I have no need to convince anyone of anything…even the invitation to peace and love.  I find it is all I can do to find peace myself and to share what I have learned with a few interested souls.  Maybe that is enough for one person’s life, to find their own state of inner peace.  For those who are interested in learning the tools that I have found helpful, I will always be here.  Otherwise, it seems my watch here is ended.

About Your Spiritual Truth

I am a trained, professional Spiritual Director, Author and Hands-on Healer. I offer services, programs and classes that empower you to hear the voice of the Divine that speaks from within you. It is the voice of the Divine that leads us to our highest truth, to the discovery and cultivation of our gifts and to a life of Authentic Freedom where we know contentment, compassion and joy. Your truth will set you free!
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16 Responses to My Watch is Ended

    • Amen Brother! Amen! It is not about no longer being who I am, it is about letting go of my attachment to results. I have a feeling our good friend, Yeshua, had similar feelings! 🙂 Love to you Bill and please keep being who you are!

  1. billtonnis says:

    This resonates strongly with me as well, Lauri. There are, I’m sure, many, many, many who would be receptive to your words and support but they are overwhelmed by the masses who aren’t…and the culture in general that perpetuates the delusion of numbing conformity. Thanks for your words of encouragement and please keep giving them. It seems letting go of the need for concrete “results” is necessary for people like us to be content at just doing what we do because that’s who we are!

  2. backwrite says:

    Hi, Lauri,

    I have no idea whether my comment will appear on your feed, but I did want to share this message with you:

    Everything I want to say sounds so trite, but I’ll say them anyway: Oh, no. My heart goes out to you. I have been wrestling with a very similar impulse, and for most of this year it’s been winning. That has sent me into a dark night, a severe depressive episode, or (most likely) both, where I find myself re-observing everything in my life. I have not been nearly as present to you as I would have liked to be. However, you are always welcome in my house, so don’t hesitate to email or whatever should you be so inspired. Travel well, my friend.

    John Backman

    The Dialogue Venture

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-backman

    2nd VP Membership, International Listening Association

    Author, Why Can’t We Talk? Christian Wisdom on Dialogue as a Habit of the Heart (SkyLight Paths)

  3. Toby says:

    You have never appeared more beautiful to me than to see you standing in your truth.
    Love to you, sweet soul sister mine ❤️🌀❤️

  4. Paula Hayford says:

    I am saddened to feel your sense of defeat. Our mission of loving one another and showing that example to others is never over. It is people like you, Lauri, that keep the rest of us moving forward by sharing your journey and wisdom. The world would be a much sadder place without you in it. Stay. Continue. Believe

    • Paula,
      As Bill illuminated and I concurred, it is more about letting go of my attachment to results or to my attachment to this looking a specific way. I am done trying to save a world that doesn’t want to be saved, but I will never be done being a source of love and support for those looking for peace.

      • Mary R says:

        Amen, Lauri, to your continuing to be a source of love and support for those looking for peace! Detaching yourself from results- I can see that. You truly will always be a source of love and support for those on their path. Folks like me use your words like a bank along the river- influencing my course- keeping me moving on and embracing my own spiritual nature. Thank you.

  5. Dennis Fuhr says:

    Hi, Lauri. My first reaction to your post was, “Oh, no!” because it seemed so chilling. Then I immediately remembered the picture of you standing on front of the stone wall In Ireland and I asked myself the following question. “Does this seem like a person whose ‘watch is ended’?” The answer rang loud and clear, NO WAY IN HELL.

    • HAH! Well, Jon Snow is still fighting the fight, isn’t he. 🙂 Just in a different way wearing a different cloak. 🙂 We’ll see what the Universe has in store after I’m done grieving my attachments and what has been. Thank you for your ongoing support and understanding Dennis. We hold the intention of love together.

  6. Kimberly E. says:

    Lauri, I can really appreciate what you wrote. I stopped trying to save the world years ago, so I don’t blame you for stopping either. I don’t think we NEED to change the world, as it is an impossible job. Just keep YOUR OWN light on. Keep shining bright like you already do, and those that are ready will find the gifts you have to offer.

    I for one, have benefited immensely from the tools you have to offer, as I am in your Magdalene Priestess training, and I cannot even begin to tell you how much this training has changed my life, for the better!

    Shine on!

  7. Lady Beltane says:

    I understand what you are expressing here Laura. I got one appreciate the changes you have helped me chose to make in how I express myself to myself and others. I wish you love, peacefulness, and harmony. Blessed be sister!

  8. Jody Hergert-Andresen says:

    Lauri, In my own work I find that there are times when my focus is more external ( on my clients or on the outside world), and times where my focus is more internal ( on my relationship with myself, God, nature etc.). Ideally, there is a balance of both. At times, it can skew too far to the external and my response is often to come back to myself which is not a bad thing. In your work, there is so much outpouring of love, energy and guidance, that I can fully see the necessity of drawing inward from time to time. Your work and your messages are so important and valuable. You are a high powered beam of light in a world that can get pretty dark. Thank you for sharing and your honesty!

  9. ❤ I stumbled on your blog, and I'm very glad I did. Beautiful post. Your feelings resonate deeply with me. Though I'm very new in my journey, and I am truly just trying to figure myself out, I look around and see madness everywhere. I know I can't change anyone but myself, etc. but it is a challenge to work dilligently towards your own awakening, enlightenment, or whatever you want to call it as you find yourself surrounded by the opposite of everything you seek. I like what you said in the comment – the non attachment. I think Lao Tzu said we are not to seek the fruit of our effort, or as you said, to not be attached to the results. I'm glad to be myself, to find myself, and to grow. That's my truth, and I am losing the emotions and attachment to others' nonsense thanks to it. Looking forward to reading more!

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