My Secret Pain – the Call of Beloved Partnership

It is said that “the truth shall set you free.” I have continued to find this to be true.  But knowing that in expressing our truth we shall find freedom and actually expressing our truth are two different things, especially when expressing those truths leaves you naked and vulnerable in the face of an often cold and cruel world.  But, it is also said, “No pain, no gain.”  So……here goes.

I have a truth that I have carefully guarded and kept very close to my heart, revealing this secret to only a select few. The truth is that I am called to Beloved Partnership.

Click on the image above to read about Mary Magdalene and the call to Beloved Partnership.

What I have come to understand is that being called to Beloved Partnership is a Divine calling and one that cannot be fulfilled until we are reunited with our other half. Being a Beloved Partner differs from co-dependency in that it is not about looking for someone to complete us.  Instead, it is about a shared energy that compels both to seek after their own wholeness, spiritually igniting each other in mutual and shared growth until they reach the point when they are meant to come together in Divine and Holy Partnership – the kind of partnership that is Divinely ordained and which no one can tear asunder.

I am a Beloved Partner and on some level, I have known this my whole life. Since my earliest memory, I have known what my Beloved feels like.  I have felt/known his presence around me.  I have heard him calling me and have experienced the promise of our union.  I have looked for him and thought I had found him in others, only and always learning that “this is not him.”  (That is not to say there hasn’t been value in all the relationships that in the end proved not to be my Twin.)

Until 2004-ish, my Beloved has only been known to me in the energy of promise and potential. I had an idea in my head and a sense of what should be, but nothing concrete to base it on.  Then came the vision that CHANGED MY LIFE.  In short – I SAW HIM!  I saw him and I felt him.  More importantly, I experienced what it feels like to be in his presence and to have him look into my eyes.  The experience was one of pure adoration and love – the likes of which I had never experienced before.

For 13 years, I have carried this experience with me, allowing it to guide and direct my life. It started with looking for this love outside of me.  When these efforts proved fruitless, I sought this love in God which then brought me into myself.  I have diligently tended to the unhealed wounds and unacknowledged fears within me that have been blocking my ability to know the love that I am as a child of the Divine – all the while feeling and knowing the presence of “My Beloved” in this journey with me.

Doesn’t that sound lovely? I see/feel the experience of being adored.  It compels me on a profound journey of personal growth.  It helps to lead me in the direction of my life purpose.  But….the truth is that the journey of Beloved Partnership SUCKS!  It sucks BAD….and here’s why.

Think of it this way. How many people do you know who are happy and content in a “just ok” relationship because it feels safe, secure, known, etc.  Alternatively, how many people do you know who are happy just dating and sleeping around – enjoying the play of a casual relationship without any of the responsibility?  Beloved Partners cannot do any of these thing!  None of these paths have been an option for me and when I have tried, I have gotten my ass handed to me.  With the calling of a Beloved Partnership, I have learned I can be content with nothing but this.

Here then is the rub: For one called to Beloved Partnership, until that partnership is realized, there will always be a feeling of discontent, a deep feeling that there is something very wrong with our lives, and our Divine calling will not be completely fulfilled.  When the Divine calling is not fulfilled, we are left with a nagging feeling of frustration, impatience, even anger and resentment of that something that is missing from our lives.

Here is the other rub: there is literally NOTHING we can do about what is “wrong” with our lives.  Oh yes, there are all kinds of books and courses on how to “call in the one,” but in my experience none of these work.  Yes, we can prepare a space for our Beloved.  Yes, we can do the critical work of healing our woundedness and becoming whole within ourselves.  We can go out there and try on different relationship experiences.  But at the end of the day, the arrival of our Beloved, as it is Divine ordained, is simply a matter of Divine timing.  In the meantime, we are left with an aching pain of vacancy in the center of our Soul where the knowledge of our calling to Beloved Partnership resides, along with the pain of knowing that until we are united there will be a critical part of our Soul’s purpose that cannot be fulfilled.

While there is nothing we can do to make reunion with our Beloved happen, we can create a space in our lives by working on our own journey toward wholeness. My book, Happily Ever After, is one resource to help support you in this task. 

Click on image above to purchase on Amazon.com

 

 

About Your Spiritual Truth

I am a trained, professional Spiritual Director, Author and Hands-on Healer. I offer services, programs and classes that empower you to hear the voice of the Divine that speaks from within you. It is the voice of the Divine that leads us to our highest truth, to the discovery and cultivation of our gifts and to a life of Authentic Freedom where we know contentment, compassion and joy. Your truth will set you free!
This entry was posted in About Lauri, Beloved Partnership, codependency, happily ever after, Mary Magdalene, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to My Secret Pain – the Call of Beloved Partnership

  1. Dennis Fuhr says:

    Lauri, I have read today’s entry rather closely and a question keeps reoccurring, have you considered that your Beloved Partner is none other than Jesus himself, the Christ, the bright and morning star?– I could go on and on about this reply but I just need to let this question float before you. There is even no need for you to reply. Peace & Grace, Dennis

    • Dennis,
      You are right on! And I am happy to address this publicly and transparently in case others might be in need of these words: When I realized this longing wasn’t being fulfilled outside of me in the expected places, I turned my gaze specifically toward Jesus and cultivated a deeply intimate devotional practice which led me deeper and closer to the Divine and toward my truest and most authentic self. Admittedly, this may still be the source of my longing/emptiness/pain. But…….there is a very human part of me that possesses a love that cannot find its fulfillment in God/Jesus alone. It seeks its fulfillment in human form. As Jesus had Mary Magdalene and Mary had Jesus (and I’m guessing others after his death), there is a calling deep within me to experience the fullness of the human condition through (healthy) intimate partnership – Beloved Partnership specifically. I have ceased from striving and seeking after this kind of human partnership, resigning myself to the fact that I am not in control of this and that it is up to the Divine to fulfill this, if indeed it is my calling. Additionally, I am grateful for the Beloved friendships (including my children) I have found and cultivated in my life. At the same time, resignation and surrender does not eliminate the longing or the pain. 🙂

Comments are closed.