As we celebrate the first of July and the new moon in Capricorn that marks this day, I breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy a day (weekend) of pause after a six-month intensive of radical surrender. The past six months have been a DOOZIE!
As we entered the beginning of 2015, I heard quite clearly the Divine invitation to LET GO. I KNEW with every fiber of my being that I was being cleared of everything that was not supportive of the purpose for which I was placed in this world. I KNEW it would be a time of letting go and releasing. I just had no idea what I was being asked to let go of….or for what I was letting it go. There was no carrot at the end of the stick calling me forth – just SHEER BLIND FAITH that if I was being invited into such radical surrender that there must be something amazing at the end of the journey.
And let me tell you, looking back on the past six months, the letting go was ENORMOUS and far greater than I ever thought possible. I was invited to be willing to let go of EVERYTHING – and that meant EVERYTHING. I knew the invitation didn’t necessarily mean I would have to let go of everything – but that I must be WILLING to do so. Thankfully, the things most important to me (my children, my friends, my family) still remain, but the things I was asked to release – if you had asked me to do so a year ago, I might have (would have) said no. At this point in my journey, however, I had grown weary of clinging, exhausted from the effort of trying and beyond frustrated with all the failed efforts. I no longer cared what God wanted from me….I just wanted to serve in whatever way I was being called….even if that meant giving up everything I had come to believe about myself and my call in this life. I placed myself and my life in God’s hands and said – “Here. Take all of it. Take what you need to take from me. I give up. I surrender. It’s all yours. And if somewhere along the line there is something I need to know…let me know.”
The amazing thing about radical surrender, is that yes, many, many, many things fall away; but as they are falling away (if we are willing) we are able to see how silly our attachment to those things has been. We see how truly unnecessary these things are to our lives – especially when we see how they have hindered our ability to love. And, as we are letting go, we are not left empty. Instead, we are being cleared and emptied so that we can be filled – filled with what God wants for and of us – not what our tiny little minds think we want for ourselves. For example, some of the things my mind thought would be good for me, God thought better of it and invited me to let these things go:
- My long-held desire to reform the Catholic Church (I let that one go a LONG time ago).
- My desire to have my novel become a best-seller.
- My wish to become a famous and best-selling author.
- My attachment to the vision of myself as a writer, artist and rockstar.
- My desire to reach a global audience and to become the next Marianne Williamson.
- My desire for a specific annual income.
- My desire to become an internet sensation and to launch a global academy.
- My vision of traveling the world speaking to packed houses on topics of self-actualization and world change (the funny thing about panic attacks is that global travel no longer sounds like such a great idea!).
A Better Plan
Instead, God said, “Lauri, let these things go. You are already exactly where you need to be. Remember the medicine of mouse (my power animal) – small things making a big impact! Your audience is right here in your own backyard. Stop seeking outside for what you already have here. Plant yourself here. Get more involved in the community and watch your efforts bear fruit.”
Who knew? So I suddenly find myself seeing all the ways I can connect with the larger community. I suddenly see all the people who already know me and are aware of what I do and the good it brings to the community. Opportunities are suddenly falling into my lap that are reflective of my gifts and supportive of my needs. Again…who knew?????
Radical surrender is not an easy task and I am grateful to have some breathing room as I rest after so much letting go. But as I am learning, surrender is totally worth it when the reward is greater than what we ever could have imagined for ourselves! (More on that later this week!)