Midlife crisis and affairs???? I’m NOT touching that one with a ten-foot pole! 😉 All we need to know is that affairs are a symptom and not the cause. If you or your partner is/has had an emotional or sexual affair, there are deeper issues afoot. If you think the relationship has to end because of an affair – you are wrong. Yes, there is betrayal and grief. (For support with forgiveness practices, click HERE and follow the respective links.) And yes, you need to grieve and work toward releasing the betrayal….but the affair is not the cause of your relationship issues, the issues that led to the affair are the cause. Confront these issues first, then see if the marriage needs to dissolve.
For some couples, the affair becomes the catalyst that forces them to confront the unresolved issues in their relationship – communication issues, temperament differences, unmet needs, ungrieved losses and disappointments, etc. Once these issues are resolved, some couples rediscover their love for each other and come together to negotiate a new and healthier relationship and both parties are better for the journey.
Of course, some couples are unable to resolve these issues and it becomes apparent that divorce is in the highest good for all involved. Other couples discover that perhaps they never should have gotten married in the first place and are happy to part ways. The moral of the story is that affairs (emotional, imaginal or sexual) sometimes happen. Sometimes they end up facilitating healthy and positive change in a relationship. Sometimes they are the harbinger of doom. Either way…find out the root of the affair first, then decide what you want to do about it.