Early Morning Wake up Calls
The Holy Spirit has a really annoying habit of waking me up in the wee morning hours WAY before the time set on my alarm. Mostly, I get annoyed and try to fall back asleep. This morning, was no different. I found myself WIDE AWAKE, rolled over to look at the clock – 4:30 am. NOT! I rolled over. Told her that I was in no uncertain terms ready to face the day and went back to “sleep.” Then I heard the doorbell ring. At 4:30 am???? Strangely, I realized that I was in that twilight place between sleep and being awake, so I drifted into the sleep. And went to answer the door in my “sleep.”
Jesus at the Door
So in my “sleep,” (I knew I was asleep and this was a dream), I walked down the stairs and to my front door. I opened the door (I didn’t even peek out the window to see if the person who is so rudely ringing my doorbell as 4:30 am is even someone safe to open the door to)….and there is Jesus standing there. And yes, it is “Hot Jesus” (who looks to me like someone resembling something between the picture above and Viggo Mortenson as Aragorn). “Hi,” I say, as if I actually know him. He smiles at me, says “Hi.” Then he says, “Lauri, it’s time.” I felt a jolt inside of me somewhere between absolutely knowing and sheer panic. “Time for what?” I ask. Then in typical Jesus style, he smiles this wicked knowing grin and says, “You’ll see.” Then he holds out his hand, I place mine in his and we walk out the door, down the steps and into the street. (Not the sidewalk, mind you, where prudent people walk…into the street and right down the middle of the street!) Again, in typical Jesus style. He’s such a brat!
So, what in the world does Jesus want from me now? Doesn’t he know I’m smack dab in the middle of an existential crisis? Doesn’t he know that I’m pursuing studies in a field where I’m struggling to find a place for him? Doesn’t he know that there’s a new pope who suddenly gave me thoughts of a hopeful Church which were just as quickly dashed when I found out his position on the women religious? Doesn’t he know about the recent conversations which have opened up all my unresolved longing for the Catholic Church while at the same time throwing me into a tizzy over “how could I even think about going back knowing there’s no place for me there?” (I weigh the same as a duck, you know….and if you are a Monty Python fan, you know what THAT means!) Doesn’t he know about all the other hopes, dreams, desires that are yet to be accomplished? AND he must certainly know about all the inner restlessness over longings not yet fulfilled. In short….Jesus has a lot of explaining to do! I’m not sure I want to entertain another one of his silly plans!
So, how does one respond when Jesus rings your doorbell at 4:30 in the morning and then tells you “It’s time!”? Well, I could give him a piece of my mind for all the ideas, dreams, wishes and promises he’s given me that haven’t yet given any fruit. I could slam the door in his face and stomp away in a huff. But, I’ll do neither of these, because I have learned, when Jesus, God, Mary Magdalene, the Holy Spirit, St. Francis, Michael the Arc Angel or any other spiritual being, come knocking at your door…tell you it’s time then hold out their hand to you….you’d better go. Because trust me, following their lead is a heck of a lot easier than trying to go it alone…or worse, turning the other way. If there is one thing I have learned, God is a nag and She will hound you until she gets her way. So, you may as well do what she says if you ever hope to have any peace in your life! So, I will trust Jesus’ words that it is time and I will follow his lead, (even if it is right into traffic) and trust that he knows where we are going, how we are going to get there and how long it will take.
copyright 2013 Lauri Ann Lumby