I have decided that love is a mystery. In today’s blog I wave the flag of surrender – surrendering to my complete ignorance and hoping someone can enlighten me.
I KNOW NOTHING!
Of late, my thoughts have turned to love. Love is a mystery that confounds me more and more every day and at this point, I am stepping into the ring and waving the white flag of surrender that says, I KNOW NOTHING!
Fairytales and Happily Ever After
As a child, I grew up with the typical message sold to little girls, There is a handsome prince who is going to sweep you off your feet and take you to your happily ever after. Well, after marrying the knight in shining armor who I thought had come to my emotional rescue and having that end in miserable ever after (not really, but that sounded dramatic didn’t it?), I decided to put the fairytales on the shelf. I decided these were stupid stories sold to little girls and boys to imprison them in the illusion of love as a commodity and as a way to manipulate us into spending our lives trying to please others. Fairytales and Happily Ever After are lies I boldly declared. And “You complete me” is the most dangerous movie line of all time! (curse you Jerry MacGuire)
Enter my Zen Garden said the Spider to the Fly
After setting the fairytale stories aside (while still secretly longing for them to be true), I decided to explore other thoughts, beliefs, etc. about love. Long story short, I came to the conclusion that love is something that can only be found within and that the best we can do is reflect the love we know ourselves to be; that love is not something that we can “get” from another human being and that it does not have to be earned and cannot be taken away. Our very nature is love and we are invited to remember this love so that we can reflect that love to eachother. In the context of relationship, these beliefs about love expand our ability to hold others in the space of compassion – accepting them for who they are without expecting anything more. It also suggests that love is a matter of choice – that we choose to reflect love to another human being because we are so grounded in the love that we are. While I was holding my mala beads in quiet contemplation and getting beat upside the head with the bamboo of humanness, I discovered that there is a problem with this theory about love. This theory of love ignores the deep human desire to love and to be loved in return.
Chemistry? Love at First Sight? WTH?
As I sit in these quandaries about love, I have also been invited to ponder the possibility that there might be some truth to the fairytale stuff. ARGH! Is there something about chemistry, love at first sight, pheromones? Is there something invisible to the human eye that makes one person fall in love with another or prevents this love from ever taking root? Is there something that creates a spark that stirs the pot of infatuation and keeps the fire burning after infatuation has died away? Is there something beyond a list of similar interests, common goals and values, shared intellect and complementary temperments, physical attraction and compatibility that is required to create and support and enduring love? Is there something to the idea of soulmates and twinflames? My Zen master would say that this is all illusion. My heart wonders if there is something more.