One of the greatest fears we face in our human interactions is the fear of rejection. Today’s blog explores this fear, its roots and some simple practices to help us stay clear of the rejection demons so that we can be open to the love that we are!
In my book, Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy, we explore the seven core spiritual fears that prevent us from living within our truest nature which is one of contentment, love and joy. The fourth fear, related to our energetic heart center (the heart chakra) is the fear, “I am not loved.” This fear shows up as the voice in our head that criticizes and condemns us for our perceived weakness, failures and imperfections, as well as the outward projection of this voice in the fear that another person will or has the power to reject us – to withhold love or to take it away all together.
The Very Real Human Need for Love
This fear, “I am not loved,” has arisen as a distortion of the very real human need to know love. We all know the research – children who are shown love and are treated lovingly fare better in our world. They develop a healthy self-esteem and a capacity to demonstrate loving and compassionate behavior in the world. Love Love Love Love Love Love does make the world go ’round. The problem is that not one human being has experienced the perfection of love within the context of their human relationships and every one of us has known the pain of perceived rejection at the hands of another. Because of our very human experiences of rejection and loss, we falsely believe that love is a commodity to be bargained, that we have to earn and can ultimately be denied us. This is the big lie.
The True Nature of Love
Love, as I explain in Authentic Freedom, is not something outside of us and as much as we want to believe it, love is NOT something that we can give to or receive from another human being. Rather, LOVE is WHO WE ARE. Love is our very nature, it cannot be denied, neither can it be earned. Love just is. The problem is that we have forgotten this truth and lost touch with the infinite well of love that is our very being. The rejection demons arise when we have forgotten the love that we are.
The Longing and the Remedy
The good news is that our Divine parent has planted within us a longing for the recollection of that love. At first, this longing compels us to seek outside of ourselves for love, but when we awaken to our conscious self, we discover that the longing is actually pointing us inward. The remedy to that longing to know love is to come to know the love that dwells within us in our very being. The good news is that there are a myriad of spiritual practices that can assist us in the recollection of the love that we are.
- Meditating and praying with sacred scripture that relates to this love (Song of Songs, The Psalms, 1 John, The story of the Prodigal Son)
- Meditating and praying with sacred poetry related to this love (Rumi, Hafiz, Gibran)
- Devotional prayer (The Jesus Prayer, Divine Mercy Prayer, Bhakti Yoga)
- Listening to sacred music that stirs the heart chakra (Shubert’s Ave Maria, Bach, Snatam Kaur, Kirtan chant)
As we allow ourselves to be open to discovering and embracing the love that is within us, we find ourselves less bothered by the inner critic or the demon of rejection and more able to simply move through life content and joyful in the love that we are. We find ourselves less frantic about finding the love outside of us that will “complete us” and more able to simply rest in the love that we are. And here is the great thing…it does NOT mean that we no longer need the love of another. As a species, we are relational beings and are programmed to live in community with one another. When we come to know the love that we are, we find that the intimate relationships in our lives are changed and transformed. Like a mirror, those relationships that no longer reflect the love that we know within ourselves may fall away, and the new relationships will come into our lives that are reflective of the deep well of love we know within ourselves. In this way, we can freely and openly share the love that we are while joyfully experiencing the free and open sharing of the love that the other persons know that they are. Win. Win.
The Divine Question
As I recently found myself struggling with my own fears of rejection, I brought this struggle into my spiritual practice and received a powerful message from the Divine that I believe may be helpful to you in your own search. Here were the words that God gifted to me and I now share with you:
Can you be open to receiving all the love that the universe (God) wants you to have?
My question to you: Can YOU be open to remembering the love that you are and can you be open to allowing this infinite and abundant love to be reflected in your intimate human relationships?
Authentic Freedom Ministries