Shaking My Fist at God – what to do when we are angry with God

When all the signs seem to be there for a particular outcome and the universe suddenly pulls the rug out from underneath us, what are we to do but shake our fists (or flip the bird) at God.


Today, I am mad as hell at God.  I feel a little (actually A LOT) like King David when he moaned, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”  (Psalm 22).

All the signs were there (or at least I thought they were).  The house of my dreams.   I had given to the universe a “wish list” of what I wanted in a home for me and our children.  I knew the price range that I could afford.  I had minimal requirements of 3 bedrooms, a dining room, a living room and 1 – 1.5 baths.  Then I added my dreams:  hardwood floors throughout, an office on the main floor and hot water heat.  Then as I began perusing real estate listings last spring, this house seemed to rise right out of the mist, setting itself above all the other listing.  Then, when reading the details….you guessed it, my wish list:  a first floor office (which I intended to make into a meditation room/chapel), hot water heat, four bedrooms (yea, an office for me!) and as I later discovered – a place to add a second bathroom very easily AND hardwood floors throughout (underneath 50-year-old carpeting).  Then….all the other pieces began to fall into place:

The kids LOVE the house

It is not in the neighborhood I expected, but the kids were excited to be closer to the lake (Oshkosh is sandwiched between two large lakes and separated by a river that runs through the town)

The house needs work….and out of nowhere comes a contractor looking for a portfolio project who offers me a HIGHLY discounted labor rate to start his new business venture.

I end up qualifying for a mortgage (a miracle in and of itself)

Then here is the craziest miracle:  The house of my dreams has a bathroom that is in the craziest most indescribable shade of pink – toilet, sink, bathtub and tile – all this weird pink.  The sink is shot and I thought I would have to replace a sink and toilet…..when on a whim I stop in the local structural antique shop, Crescent Moon Antiques and they have THE EXACT SINK in perfect condition.  WHAT ARE THE ODDS????

It sure seemed as if this was supposed to be my house….the bonus is that this house would have allowed me to move my office into my home, saving $500.00 per month in overhead costs.   So, all that being said, here is why I’m ticked off at God:

God seemed to be giving me all the signs, seemed to be pointing me in the direction of this house and there seemed to be no other interested parties.  The road seemed to be made clear.  So, I put in an offer.  Then, out of nowhere swoops in three other offers.  AND……I LOST THE HOUSE.  I was (still am) devastated.  What the heck, God?  Now what am I supposed to do? Then add insult to injury, I finally had the courage to pull up my bootstraps and start looking at other houses.  WTH……The houses I looked at that are in my price range (interestingly…..houses prices in the same range as the one on which I placed and offer) SUCK!!!!   They are all dilapidated, run-down, condemnable houses.  YUK YUK YUK.  I came home yesterday after 2 hours of house tours, bawled my eyes out and slept for 3 hours (mind you, I’m also sick with a bad cold).

So today I am darn mad at God.  Did I read all the signs wrongly?  Was I just making it all up?  Am I nuts?  Why lead me along this path God only to pull the run out from beneath my feet?  Yeah, Yeah, I know…”it wasn’t meant to be….God must have something better in mind…it must not have been in my highest good…”  all the things I tell myself in my head and tell clients and students when faced with life’s challenges.  But you know what….I’m still dang mad!

I want that house and I want it now! (This is me doing my Veruca Salt dance!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU7nG3KvZDA

 

So, today I’m just going to be mad at God.   The good news is that God can take it.  Maybe in allowing myself to feel the disappointment and anger a place will be made where I can be open to whatever God has in store for me in this process.  In the meantime…I’m just mad and it might be a really good day to put on and jam out to “Ten Thousand Fists in the Air” by Disturbed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drTQaAaCeh0

 

What disappointments have you experienced in your own life that have made you feel angry with  God/the universe?

Have you allowed yourself space to feel that anger?

What healing did you experience as a result of allowing space for anger?

 

Lauri Lumby

Authentic Freedom Ministries/YourSpiritualTruth

http://yourspiritualtruth.com

About Your Spiritual Truth

I am a trained, professional Spiritual Director, Author and Hands-on Healer. I offer services, programs and classes that empower you to hear the voice of the Divine that speaks from within you. It is the voice of the Divine that leads us to our highest truth, to the discovery and cultivation of our gifts and to a life of Authentic Freedom where we know contentment, compassion and joy. Your truth will set you free!
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5 Responses to Shaking My Fist at God – what to do when we are angry with God

  1. Diane says:

    Get out your swimming noodle and smack the heck out of it until you can’t smack it any more!! All that great advice you help everyone else with is going to come back to haunt you Lauri. It won’t change the situation or make you feel any better right now, but you will eventually see the reason for this horribly frustrating situation. I hope you’ll let us know when you figure out what it is!

  2. Linda says:

    What do you do with disappointment-I mean seriously what? How do you make sense of the senseless? What benefit,good, highest or not is in disappoinment? Lauri and others know my story-ready for IVF in 2005 and as part of the pre screening learned I had breast cancer-treated-ready to go in 2006, IVF completed, name picked out-seeing a girl child in my spirit for years- no pregnancy,everything that could go wrong on the day of IVF from a clinical perspective did, wrote letter to MD and received a second try for free- second try positive pregnancy test, miscarriage-regrouped for a third -an unexpected gift of $5,000 towards another IVF in 2007 from an acquaintance, third IVF,faint heart beat, oh the joy I felt, the prayers and plans and then miscarriage on my birthday-heart broken,shredded,sooooo unbelievably ANGRY-did not even know how to contain it-could not contain it-shouted and cursed the heavens until there was nothing left-I thought I was hearing from God,Source ,following the signs, breadcrumbs, TRUSTING and had done ALOT of inner work, received coaching,prepared physically,mentally,spiritually and then such crushing disappointment. Was this all in my head? Did I really hear, trust, know anything? This was such a watershed moment- had to completely undo what I had built up as my understanding of God and ALLOW a rebuilding that is still going on today. One of my teachers said simply-if it was supposed to BE it would have been-that’s lovely and likley true but it nearly killed me -now five years later-I have a little bit of perspective , a pinky view of the hand of God-Creator-this is a view only gained in after and hindisight when freshness of rage and pain is not front and center and I am of the opinion that unless one sticks to the work of healing,learning,ALLOWING-one can’t see this backwards view-
    Today I do KNOW God-Source differently (as much as one can ever KNOW) and TRUST has been slowly rebuilt-by GRACE and ALLOWING and I stopped asking WHY- the unanswerable question which is a great relief and breakthrough-leading to peace that as Jesus said surpasses understanding.
    Thanks for your honest heart Lauri-with appreciation Linda

  3. Jeni says:

    I’m sorry you didn’t get the house, Lauri. I hope an equally good or better one shows up soon! My favorite angry mood music is Kelly Clarkson’s “My December” album, or the song “bodies” by drowning pool. Enjoy your anger-fest! ~Jeni

  4. Thank you for the great article. And yes, I have been very angry with God. I have even told him to get his ###### act together. And yes, He can take it. All around, it makes for a real relationship.

  5. Linda says:

    One last thing as I can’t help myself. My concept of KNOWING God has (with an effort of years and study of word origins as I love them) shows me that the word to KNOW God in the deepest sense is the same word used for intercourse . To KNOW someone as you do when there is a amazing ,intercoursal sharing-a deep love, mystery known at the time of that exquisite blissful,deep,spiritual ,mystical interconnecting of two into one,tantric sex-that is what God intends-what we all yearn for-but as we experience that moment lasts for yes-you guessed it a moment and then we are transported back to our lives-regular daily lives-and I feel dissapointment comes from expecting mystical bliss to reflect a daily reality and then poof-it doesn’t and the moment of union is gone and we feel our lover has turned his or her back on us and we are very angry and disappointed that the mystical has not lasted and maybe we didn’t know our lover after all-but we did and shall again. But in the meantime we are angry,disappointed and disillusioned in our humanity and it is very OK and GOOD to feel it all the way through

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