Today’s blog explores an on-going struggle. When we gather enough courage to name, claim, cultivate and freely share our truth, our voice, our needs, desires, passions, hopes, etc. how do we respond when those with whom we wish to share our voice cannot or will not hear us?
As I penned Wednesday’s blog about Ariel and giving up our voices (our truth, our dreams, our hopes, our passions) for “love”, I had no idea that the receiving function of this dynamic would come at me full boar and slam me into the ground.
On Wednesday, we were challenged to shift the socialization that makes us believe we have to “shut up and put up” or deny our voice in order to gain “the handsome prince.” Instead, we were invited to name, claim, cultivate and generously share our truth, our voice, our dreams, hopes, needs, desires, passions, etc. with the world around us. I was soon reminded that the universe nevers lets our lessons be incomplete as I was given an opportunity to name and claim my truth, which I did, and discovered that it is all fine and good to name, claim and share our truth….but perhaps the even bigger challenge is getting people to hear our truth.
Without going into all the gory details, suffice it to say that I came face to face with one of those people in my life that no matter how hard I try; no matter how clearly I attempt to name and claim my truth and establish my needs and boundaries – THEY CANNOT HEAR ME. I found myself completely overwhelmed with frustration and rage as I tried to communicate my needs in the situation only to be met with a blank stare. Have you ever had one of those situations where you are trying to be heard and the unhearing is so bad that you feel completely insane and begin to wonder if perhaps you are crazy for thinking this truth should be heard, wondering if the truth is even valid and then thinking perhaps the “receiver” is the one that really knows what is right? Then your mind goes blank, you feel paralyzed and you cannot even begin to defend yourself, speak or argue because the insanity of it all has caused a complete and total system meltdown? This is how I felt. The only thing I found I could offer as a response was to go to bed. I know, pathetic, right? So, here is the question – what in the heck does one do in these situations?
What do we do when we know our truth and work toward sharing it and the people with whom we want to share these truths cannot hear it or refuse to honor it? This is a challenging question, because in reality, there will ALWAYS be people who cannot hear or accept our truths. There will always be people whose ears, hearts and minds will be closed to the truths we feel called to voice in the world. This is equally true of boundaries…..because naming and claiming our needs and asking for them to be met are equally a part of this discovery and sharing of truth journey. So…what are we to do with those who cannot hear our truth?
Unfortunately, there is no black and white answer to this quandary. As we grow as human beings, one of the things we come to understand more and more fully is our own truth, our needs, our gifts, our desires and our passions and we grow in our ability to nurture and share these truths. Even in a culture where we are socialized to suppress these truths for the sake of “love” or for the sake of another’s needs, if we are tending to our own inner journey….we cannot help but come face to face with our own deepest truths at some point in the process. When we do, we are invited to own it and stand in it. AND…..when we do this, ( as my friend Kathy L. states, ) we become “shit disturbers.” Standing in our truth disturbs the status quo. Standing in our truth breaks and alters the rules. Standing in our truth forces change in our intimate and professional relationships. Some relationships are able to withstand this change. Some are not.
So, when we come face to face with those who cannot hear our truth, I guess the answer is
1) try to re-negotiate the relationship (if it is one worth keeping)
2) If the relationship cannot be renegotiated decide if it is one you can accept as is….or
3) Leave it behind.
And take comfort in knowing that as we grow in our ability to name and claim our truths, new relationships will come into our lives that are supportive of our truth, that do honor our boundaries and where each party is interested in being a source of mutual support, compassion, love, etc. for one another.
- What relationships in your life are supportive of your needs, your truth, your gifts and your dreams?
- What relationships are not?
- Which relationships need to be re-negotiated?
- Which ones are calling to be left behind?
- What new relationships are coming into your life that ARE open to hearing, honoring and valuing your truth?
Authentic Freedom Ministries/Your Spiritual Truth